Ghosting the 21st century dating problem
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We all want to believe there's a good reason the person we were dating suddenly went AWOL. Sarah Mackey's ghosting story is crazier than all the rest. Ignoring friends who argue she's just been "ghosted," Sarah sets out to find out the truth: And it's wilder than she could have imagined. The book is littered with references to Facebook, Tinder and Uber in a way that feels authentic, not pandering.
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A Guide To ‘Ghosting’, The 21st-Century Dating Problem
‘Serendipidating’ is one of these brutal new dating trends
By Loren Soeiro, Ph. With so many apps, each subscriber can find hundreds of people to date at any moment, so it might seem like a waste of time to treat each person with full politeness and courtesy. Our brains naturally focus on information that confirms a preexisting belief about something, even when other evidence indicates that we might be wrong. Ghosters, like my patient, often go through elaborate cognitive gymnastics to convince themselves that what they do is totally fine. In addition, ghosting can also be the result of a particular set of beliefs about dating. When the person you like stops returning your texts, the emotional consequences can run from unpleasant to severe.
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The Psychology of Ghosting
Do not get me wrong, I am all about having security and having an action plan for any situation. I also think that it is good to focus on yourself, to have your own interests, hobbies, even to sometimes disappear for a while and just be by yourself. However, I feel like there is this agenda, where people are urged to believe that they do not need anybody, that they should be strong, they should be independent and they should not rely on others. And although, there are examples of individuals that can exist on their own and do not need social contact, most of us do.
Ghosting is even more hurtful to people who have low self-esteem in the first place. If what one person believed was a substantial relationship ends suddenly — without even the effort it would take to have a traditional break up — the results can even produce a traumatic reaction. In psychological studies, social rejection has even been found to activate the same neurological pathways as physical pain. People with low self-esteem also tend to release less internally generated opioids into the brain after rejection, as compared to those with higher self-esteem. In other words, low self-esteem means less ability to tolerate the pain of being forsaken or abandoned.
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